Like most of you, I am occasionally approached by “friends” about getting involved in some kind of side-business, known in some circles as a pyramid scheme. And also like many of you, I am not interested…at all…ever.
The difficult thing about this situation is that these invitations often come from people I truly like, and would love to keep it that way. But how to respond without hurting their feelings? My older brother has no problem with this. “NO,” he would say bluntly with little to no expression in his voice or on his face. A second attempt would get, “HELL NO,” with a little more expression, and ultimately he would kill you. But I have always been different. The “People Pleaser,” or so they say in college sociology classes. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, even if I am just another name they jotted down on the back of a napkin from some “recruitment party” somewhere.
So to save myself some time and embarrassment, I have come up with this template response for all future invitations into pyramid schemes. My plan is to simply cut and paste this response in a reply e-mail or facebook message. You have the same problem? Then feel free to use it for yourself.
But keep me posted. I may want to sell these to your friends and family.
TEMPLATE RESPONSE TO PYRAMID SCHEME INVITES:
Dear _______________:
Thanks so much for your note. I was surprised to hear from you since we really haven’t talked in at least 20 years. In fact, I had to look you up in my high school annual and Google you online just to recall who I was dealing with here. But that made your concern for my family and wellbeing during these hard economic times that much more sincere and heartfelt.
I am pleased to hear you are doing well, working in your primary job and then selling this product on the side. You sound thrilled about the whole thing. I was touched with how this experience has almost become a hobby for you and how through it you have found extra income, personal satisfaction, exotic vacations, a better sex life and a closer walk with the Lord. All of that --- amazing. I guess we really do have so much in common. You would have thought we would have spent more time together in (college/high school/elementary school/church).
But see, _____. That was your name, right? I am extremely busy, not only in my job, but raising two beautiful teenage daughters; trying to be a good husband to a beautiful wife and teaching a Sunday School class of some outstanding young adults at my church. All of that leaves very little time for your (shampoo/diet drinks/cosmetics/dinnerware/timeshares/TV dinners/intimate apparel/Canadian pharmaceuticals), although I am thrilled for what they have come to mean in your life.
Sadly, I understand that by not taking advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, I may never fully realize my dream of being an empowered Independent Business Owner (IBO), but I guess I am simply willing to take that chance. Don’t get me wrong. I am ecstatic that you have been able to make an additional $_________/year working only _______hours/day in the comfort of your own home and had the opportunity to meet ____________ (famous name from pop culture) on that recent cruise to ________ (exotic place) and just bought a brand new ______________ (something I really want).
Please have fun at the party on _________ and give my best to the other people we went to (college/high school/elementary school/church) with that we both haven’t talked to in more than 20 years. You realize that most of them will never speak to you again, right? Oh well, if it’s worked for the past 20 years, what’s another 20, right?
Oh, and one last thing. Please stop talking up this (shampoo/diet drinks/cosmetics/dinnerware/timeshares/TV dinners/intimate apparel/Canadian pharmaceuticals) at church. It’s not the appropriate setting and I have it on good authority that God frowns upon it. His son made a pretty big scene in a temple once, turning over the tables and displays of many fine, upstanding IBOs.
Feel free to call me anytime about the family, life in general, or old friends we actually knew. But let’s keep business separate. Tends to make me edgy.
All the best and God bless,
Reg
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