Here comes a blog on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

America's Favorite TV Family

For as long as I can remember, I have been a fan of television.  I had a great upbringing and family life.  Plenty of opportunities to socialize, go on vacations and explore the world.  I wasn’t a latchkey kid with  TV as a babysitter.  I just enjoyed TV and watched it as often as I was allowed.

In my personal TV Hall of Fame would be “The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson,” “The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour,” “Julia,” The Carol Burnett Show,” “Sonny and Cher,” “Donny and Marie,” “Love Boat,” “The Brady Bunch,” “Seinfeld,” “30 Rock,” “Modern Family,” and “Once Upon a Time,” among many others.

I left out several, but you can see, I know my way around the tube.

So the time has come for a public comment on “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”  She’s gross.  Her family is gross and they do not represent the State of Georgia.  They represent the State of Insanity.  And yet, we watch.  I personally set the season’s pass on our DVR for Honey Boo Boo.  Why?  Because just like a car wreck on the NASCAR circuit, it is horrible and tragic on every level and we cannot look away.

Why I love the show: Senseless, hilarious, stupid, redneck, insane.  Why I hate the show: Celebration of bodily functions, fork lift foot, disrespectful children and an unbelievable amount of gnats.  They practically co-star.

If you haven’t seen the show, a quick primer: Alana Thompson is a seven-year-old firecracker from McIntyre, Georgia (east of Macon, south of Milledgeville) who participates in those dreadful Toddlers and Tiaras pageants around the Southeast.  She is the offspring from an unspeakable union between June Shannon and Mike Thompson, affectionately known as Mama and Sugar Bear.  They both look like something Disney dreamed up for the Country Bear Band Jamboree, but less articulate and lifelike.

It’s interesting to me how a similar T&T child, Eden Wood, and her pageant mom Mickie tried to launch a career by recording a song called “Cutie Patootie” and promoting it on shows like “The View” and “The Talk.”  That’s so old school.  Alana AKA Honey Boo Boo just went on YouTube, got all glitzy and sassy and the thing went viral.  Almost immediately, TLC called and offered the whole darn family --- Alana, Mama, Sugar Bear and three other misfit daughters ---  a weekly show.  Think of the Beverly Hillbillies without all the class.  And this is real life, forklift foot, gnats and all.

And did I mention while they all speak English --- well McIntyre English --- the show runs subtitles throughout?  It’s amazing.

In Honey Boo Boo’s world, we encourage and celebrate farts and poop, glitz and glamor, in a small house that sits a little too close to the railroad tracks for my comfort and peace of mind.  It is the anti-video any Chamber of Commerce would want beaming out to the world promoting Middle Georgia.

And yet, we love it as a guilty pleasure.  Some 2.8 million people watched the season finale.  The show has averaged 2.4 million each week.  Take that you Amish Midget Hoarders with way too many wives and kids.  Here comes Honey Boo Boo Child.

I think there’s a little “Jerry Springer” psychology going on here.  “Yep, I’m screwed up, but look: I’m not as bad as those people.”

For TLC it has to be a goldmine.  All you have to do is follow these people around each week and let them go.  You can’t make this stuff up.  When teenage sister Anna birthed baby Kaitlyn, the kid had two freaking thumbs.  Sherwood Swartz would have never thought that one up for Marcia Brady.

So check it out.  It’s no “Masterpiece Theater” but it is an interesting chapter in the evolution of television.  And the truth is, I hope it lasts.  At their core, the family seems close knit and loving in some kind of ultra-dysfunctional way. 

So work it Smoochie.

State of Naming Babies



Reese Witherspoon



Actress Reese Witherspoon had a baby boy recently and named him “Tennessee.”  This caused quite a stir among my friends on Twitter, who debated what kind of future this name will bring for the child.  Whatever your name, I think you’re pretty safe as long as its spelled right in the Last Will and Testament of someone like Reese Witherspoon.  But it does raise an interesting question: Are there other states that might make good baby names?

In my own life, I have known a Virginia, Montana and a friend in high school named his extremely talented daughter Dakota.  Yep, THAT Dakota.  Although after several successful films, they changed her name to 401K.

There was Florida Evans on the TV sitcom “Good Times.”  She was first Maude’s maid, as I recall. Save that one for trivia night.  You might win some wings.

A tweet on this topic caught the attention of Hipster Baby Names (@MyNameIsPabst) who tell me some up-and-coming names include Alabama, Montana, Arizona, Alaska, Maine and Vermont.  Indiana also has a nice ring to it, but apparently that was so yesterday.

Arizona might work.  Mississippi?  Carolina?  The US Virgin Islands seems a little complicated for a kindergarten student to explain and then defend on the playground.

But make no mistake, this is an important decision.  When they are born, you give your child more than a name.  You give them an image, set expectations and sometimes stereotypes.  When we found out we were pregnant that fateful day in January, 1991, we went to Target and bought a book on baby names.  We went with Holli Elizabeth, but spelled it a little different so she’d get to be “that kid.”  It was also a tribute to my dad whose name is Hollis.  When she was old enough to add her two cents, our oldest daughter said she would have been happy with “Hollis,” but in life you have very little say that early on.

Three years later, we went with Emily Lauren, which proved to be one of the most popular names of all time that year.  Add five years and they have to add your last initial to differentiate among the giant throng.



Jason Alexander



George Costanza wanted to name his child “Seven,” which opens up a whole new world of possibilities.  Lots of numbers out there.  Why not give them a personality?

My only fear about using states as names is five years from now, first grade roll call is going to sound a lot like the Republican National Convention. 

Wonder if Reese thought about that?

Standing in My Place

If your kids are like mine, sometimes you get short notice on the meetings, performances and special events down at the school.  Take, for example, today’s Veterans Day Celebration at Woodstock High School.  My senior daughter told me about it late last night, as the whole family was headed to bed. 

“The chorus is singing tomorrow for a Veterans Day program, if you want to come,” she said.  That’s teen speak for “This is important to me and if you’re not there, it means you love my older sister more than me.”  I immediately set the alarm.

As instructed, I arrived at the school around 9:30 AM, all bundled up for the stadium, but because it was so cold today, the event was moved to the gym.  As I took my seat in the bleachers, the varsity singers and orchestra were warming up on “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” while members of the ROTC, decked out in their uniforms, prepared to escort local veterans and their guests to reserved seating on the gym floor.

At this point, the room was mostly empty, and I snapped a few photos with my phone.  Then the floodgates opened and hundreds of students poured into the arena. Some walking, some running, some jumping: It was that unrestrained teen spirit driven more by missing biology than saluting American patriots.

Then a young man from the ROTC unit asked for silence, and most complied as the ceremony began.  Young men and women in uniform formed an archway of swords as a list of veterans and their escorts was read.  World War II, Korean War and Desert Storm were there.  Some walked slowly, with the aid of canes and walkers.  Some looked younger, and walked faster.  All were escorted by wives, grandchildren and other family members.  

An unexpected lump formed in my throat.  These people weren’t playing some role in a play.  They had been in foreign lands, faced fierce enemies, saw death and somehow returned home, so you and I can sleep more soundly at night.

The band and chorus struck up a medley of armed forces themes, asking members of each to stand as their theme was played: Army, Navy Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard.  The applause was always polite, as members stood and saluted. Another lump and slightly moistened eyes resulted.

Colonel Michael Boyce, USMC (Retired) speaks at
Woodstock High School Veterans Day Program 

Colonel Michael Boyce, USMC (Retired), served as speaker, and did an excellent job in knowing his audience.  “I will be brief,” he promised the students, offering the adage, “To be noticed, stand up; to be heard, speak up; and to be appreciated, shut up.” Colonel Boyce reminded the students of four key character traits, “Duty, Honor, Integrity and Trust,” and quoted the promise found in Matthew 25:23, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Something he said could apply to everyone who serves the nation in uniform.  


It was a beautiful ceremony, capped off with the wife of a Woodstock teacher singing, “God Bless the USA,” and the audience standing and applauding on the last chorus.

One poignant moment came early in the program when the color guard brought in the flags for the National Anthem.  As the anthem closed, the audience was told to be seated, but the colors had not been formally dismissed.  While the rest of us followed instructions, four of the older veterans being honored remained standing, saluting at full attention until the flag had officially left the floor.  

They weren’t offended or rude, just obedient and respectful of the training they had received.  We were sitting, while they were standing.

Somehow, that was the loudest message of the day for me: Veterans standing where I should have stood. And for that, I am forever grateful.

God Bless the USA. 

Did You Ever Notice?

The Apostle Paul once said, “Confession is good for the soul.”  For the record, I have never personally met the Apostle Paul, but I have read many of his letters several times.  Sounds creepy, I know.  So, I’m going through his mail. Sue me.

Anyway, about this confession, I have to admit that I have always been jealous of Andy Rooney, the commentator on “60 Minutes.”  That same Bible says we should not covet, but I am going to admit, I wanted Andy’s job.

Think about it.  While the other correspondents were covering terrorists in Afghanistan or Hurricane Katrina, Andy was snug in his office, still in front of a typewriter, sharing random thoughts which consistently began with “Did you ever notice?”  I sure did, Andy.  And I wanted your job.

Always wondered how Ed Bradley, Leslie Stahl or Mike Wallace might have felt when they were headed out to cover stories in the uttermost parts of the world and Andy would be at the water cooler.  “Did you ever notice how rude those TSA agents can be?”  Shut up, Andy.

“60 Minutes” has been a Sunday night staple in American television.  You knew when that ticking stopwatch came up on the screen, sometimes delayed by a football game, you were in for some amazing journalism.  Celebrity interviews were less fluff and more facts on “60 Minutes.”  The standard joke in PR is you know it’s going to be a bad day when you arrive at work and Mike Wallace is waiting in your lobby.

So I wake up this morning to learn that Andy Rooney is dead at age 92.  The silver haired curmudgeon just retired about a month ago.  That’s not long at all, about half of a Kardashian marriage.  Despite the cushy job, we will miss Andy Rooney.  He always said the things we were thinking.  Some of my favorites:

“All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.”

“Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

“Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.”

“Elephants and grandchildren never forget.”

Andy’s commentaries at the end of “60 Minutes” were like a sorbet at the close of a very satisfying meal.  It almost made bearable some of the bad news we had just consumed.

We’ll miss you, Andy.  Ninety-two years is a long life, but you lived it well, right down to the last second on the “60 Minutes” stopwatch.

But don’t worry.  I’m not gunning for your old job.  

Those are some big eyebrows to fill.

This is only a test

You’ve seen it many times before.  You’re watching your favorite TV show, or the big college football game, when suddenly the screen goes dark, followed by the worst gosh awful noise since the fax machine or dial-up Internet.  It’s a test of the Emergency Alert System (EAS), or worse, the real thing in case of a tornado, tornado warning, missing person or other local emergency.

It’s actually a good system.  Think about it.  You’re lost in the fantasy of some wonderful movie, or celebrating the come from behind victory of your favorite team.  You might not even notice that the skies have turned dark and winds picked up right outside your door.  With the EAS, all programming is interrupted like a slap across the face to make you aware of the problem at hand.  There’s a tornado down the street, Genius.  Better get to the basement.

This concept has been around for a while.  In fact, it started the year I was born, 1963, as the Emergency Broadcast System, changing over to the Emergency Alert System in the late 90s when cable and satellite channels got on board.  It is generally well coordinated jointly between the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), the National Weather Service and state authorities. 

Although, I do remember 2000 when Carlos Santana and Matchbox 20 were up for Record of the Year at the Grammys.  I was doing PR for a major telecommunications provider, and around the close of the show, after winning the award, the band struck up “Smooth” only to be interrupted by a test of the Emergency Alert System.  It’s not a very pleasant sound, especially when compared to your favorite song. 

As usual, we were blamed for the interruption and I spent the rest of the week trying to convince authorities we should delay EAS tests until after massively popular songs are played on live TV.

So now the next step.  On Wednesday, November 9, 2011, FEMA and the FCC will conduct the nation’s first ever test of a nationwide Emergency Alert System.  Authorities say the purpose of the test is to determine if a national-level system is needed should the President ever have a message for all of us, at one time, from sea to shining sea.  Hmmm.  During election season?  Not so sure.

Regardless of your politics, there’s no debate that we have a President who likes to talk.  I am trying to imagine how tempting a system like this might be to a “great communicator” here in the Twitter and Facebook generation: “My fellow Americans, is it just me or does Simon seem to be softer on The X Factor than he was on American Idol?”  “My fellow Americans, do the Christmas decorations go up a little earlier every year at the mall?” “My fellow Americans, Go Bears!”

I’m just not sure this is needed.  Like politics, the best news coverage is best handled at the local level.  The national TV networks seem to clamor for reasons to break into regular programming for breaking national news.  CNN and MSNBC, in particular, can’t get enough of the man in the Oval Office, so I have a hard time thinking we’d never hear from him.  So I wonder if this is really necessary.

To be honest, at our house, we have learned about Michael Jackson’s death, Bin Laden’s killing and protestors in the Middle East through social media long before the national TV networks or an emergency broadcast system.  Maybe we should pursue more of that.

Next week’s test will happen mid-afternoon, around 2:00 PM EST, and run about three-minutes across your favorite radio and TV channels, regardless of broadcast, cable or satellite.  So enjoy.  We’ll get back to you on the results.  But somehow, I’m sure it will be a huge success and implemented in time for the Republican presidential primaries.

To learn more about the national EAS test, visit FEMA at http://www.fema.gov/emergency/ipaws/eas_info.shtm or the FCC at http://www.fcc.gov/encyclopedia/emergency-alert-system-nationwide-test.

We now return you to regular programming, featuring Santana and Matchbox 20.

Thin Crust Politics

New Hampshire holds it’s Presidential Primary next December, and voters there got their first look at Republican hopefuls in a CNN debate held Monday night in Manchester.

The stage was set with seven candidates, ranging from the familiar faces of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and Texas Congressman Ron Paul to newcomers like Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle Bachman, former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum and Georgia businessman and radio personality Herman Cain.

No Sarah Palin and no Donald Trump; and, if only for the entertainment value, that was kind of disappointing.

CNN’s John King was the moderator, promising right at the start to do his due diligence in keeping answers brief, on topic and even threatening to interrupt if necessary.  No bells or buzzers here, just his persistent and irritating guttural sounds trying to keep the answers short, in this Twitter generation of 140 characters or less.

The topics were what you would expect: Jobs, health care, social security.  Voters raised questions about how candidates would balance their approach to governing, with pressure from the Tea Party and others.  There were questions about Libya, our overall national defense and when we will bring troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan.  And because this was a Republican debate, there was a brief pause from unemployment and the economic crisis to talk about religion, abortion and same-sex marriage.

Overall, I thought Romney looked the most presidential while Gingrich sounded most presidential.  Paul probably appealed most to fringe voters, with unconventional answers to the matters at hand. Always ironic when the oldest man on the stage presents some of the freshest ideas.  Based on reactions from Twitter, Paul catches the attention of independent voters and even Democrats.

For Bachman, Cain, Pawlenty and Santorum, it was mostly a chance to introduce themselves and become acclimated to the national stage.  Bachman tried her best to make news, using the debate to announce that she is officially a candidate --- beyond the exploratory phase --- with paperwork filed and a news conference set for later this week.  Cain, an African-American businessman and former CEO for Godfather’s Pizza, proudly introduced himself as “not a politician” but a businessman with 43-years experience.  Pawlenty and Santorum tried to get in as much of their resumes as possible, before King started hemming and hawing with those noises to stop them.  (Note to CNN: Next time, a bell or buzzer, please)

The introductions were intentionally brief in the form of a 30-second or less “elevator speech,” just giving the essence of who they were.  For a moment, it sounded like a contest in propagating the species.  Santorum weighed in with seven children; Bachman touted five natural born children, but 23 foster kids; Romney mentioned five sons and 16 grandchildren.  Reports say at that point, Jim Bob Duggar of TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting” contemplated throwing his hat in the ring.

As much as I hate to admit it, one of the debate’s most interesting facets came from a cheesy trick Moderator King used going in and out of commercial breaks.  He called it “This or That.”  Pop culture questions designed to give us a more personal glimpse at each candidate, beyond the talking points.

And what did we learn?  Plenty, if your idea of hard core journalism is People Magazine.  Senator Santorum doesn’t watch much late night TV.  Who could, with seven kids?  But when hard pressed, he prefers Leno over Conan.  Bachman got a music question: Johnny Cash or Elvis?  The presidential novice took the safe route: She loves them both, but did admit to having an Elvis Christmas album on her iPod. 

Later in the debate, the candidates became more decisive.  Dancing with the Stars or American Idol? “Idol,” Gingrich said bluntly.  BlackBerry or iPhone? “BlackBerry,” said Congressman Paul, who is probably more comfortable with a blackboard.  They threw the pizza question to the Godfather: Thin crust or Deep Dish? “Deep Dish,” bellowed Cain in his deep baritone.

Spicy or mild wings, was posed to Governor Romney.  “Spicy,” he said proudly.  Don’t want to appear weak on your wings.  And Coke or Pepsi?  “Coke,” said Governor Pawlenty.  There must not be a big Pepsi presence in the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes.

There were no major gaffes or punches thrown among the seven candidates.  Barack Obama was clearly the target here, with Congresswoman Bachman proclaiming him a “one term president.”  Romney said the president has ignored the main issues of the economy, restraining government and establishing a strong foreign policy.

But when the biggest cheers come from the pop culture questions, it reminds you that as Americans we often prefer our politics served on thin crust.

Getting Real about "Reality TV"

The time has come for a brief commentary on the phenomenon of “reality TV,” which is a real misnomer since very few of these shows have anything to do with reality.  Let me admit up front, I am not writing from the standpoint of someone who avoids these shows.  Like junk food, I am drawn to them, and watch most if not all of what comes through my screen.

As a student of pop culture and broadcasting, I think money is the driving factor here.  Think about what it would cost to produce a series like “Desperate Housewives” or “House.”  There are elaborate sets, costumes, actors, equipment.  There is no Wisteria Lane, you know.  It’s a back lot at Universal Studios in Hollywood.  If you look closely, Beaver Cleaver’s house is on that street.  If his show was on today, Beaver could be having an affair with Eva Longoria, and Wally and Eddie would “give him the business.”

On the other hand, reality TV requires none of this.  Just a small camera crew to invade the lives of some freak show family somewhere, and some canned music.  No need for writers, or sets, or special effects.  Even better than the low production costs is that fact that we, the American public, can’t seem to get enough of these shows.  That means the high ratings that advertisers covet.  Ah, capitalism.  Such a sweet smell.

So, what are we watching?  “Celebrity Apprentice,” “American Idol,” “The Voice?”  All reality shows of a certain genre.  But there’s also “Cake Boss,” “Kate Plus Eight,” and “Sister Wives.” And, as much as we’d like to, who can forget “The Real Housewives of [insert city here].” 

Remember when TLC was “The Learning Channel,” with the goal of expanding the classroom into homes?  Not anymore.  It’s just TLC.  Sort of like KFC doesn’t like to get bogged down in details about the chicken.

And these titles barely scratch the surface.  I haven’t even mentioned similar shows on MTV, A&E, truTV and others. They all have their niche audiences and try to serve them well.  And the real people on these shows are now considered “celebrities,” so they write books, go on tours and learn to dance the Argentine Tango.

As a child of the 60s, I can remember classic shows like “Andy Griffith,” “Petticoat Junction,” “Mary Tyler Moore” and “Love Boat.”  These were shows starring actual stars, and I still talk about them to this day.  Sometimes I worry how my children will explain the “celebrities” of this day to my grandchildren.  “Why, that’s Snooki, darling.  She was a…um…let’s see what else is on.  How about Barney the Dinosaur in 3D.”

The other fear with reality TV is the attempt to one-up the last popular show.  Eight kids are not enough, how about 19 and counting?  One wife is not enough, how about four?  Cupcakes are not enough, how about hoarders? Sixteen and pregnant is not enough, how about someone who didn’t even realize she was pregnant until that stomach ache weighed in at 8-pounds, 7-ounces?

I’m not convinced that we somehow become better people by watching other families with problems worse than our own.  Isn’t that the appeal of “Jerry Springer,” “Dr. Phil” and “Maury?” 

Not saying you shouldn’t watch these shows.  It’s your right as an American, and that’s why there are 200 channels and even an off switch.  And books over on that shelf…somewhere.

Just be careful what you choose before your family starts reflecting the many problems and issues shown on TV.  Now, that’s getting real.